For mature audiences only... (we're all adults, right?)
On Friday, if you missed Oprah, she had Dr. Laura Berman on - a sex therapist. I thought it was interesting that one of the couples had the specific problem of the husband not being able to "look" at his wife the same way after he watched their babies being born. In fact, he wasn't able to look at "her" at all, let alone get close enough for any recreational activity.
Dr. Berman went on to say that this is perhaps the one biggest mistake men make (watching birth) and one of the most common problems she sees within sex therapy. She recommends daddies stay up near their baby-mama's head, perhaps to support her through breathing and pushing via eye-to-eye contact.
I thought this was interesting because this is something that has come up in more than one conversation amongst friends and family. "Jim, will you watch? Will you cut the umbilical cord?" This question puts a father to be in a very awkward position... Amongst some crowds, say NO and it's as if he's a loon, unwilling to share in the experience, embrace this "beautiful" birth, and neglecting his wife and offspring from the get-go. There seems to be a belief that a man is supposed to have an internal switch with which he can turn on and off his sexuality in the birth situation. Men are just not wired this way. They are visual beings, and it seemed a no-brainer to me that this may pose a problem in the post-baby bedroom.
A long time ago, before Lemon was a glimmer in our eyes, we decided that whether to watch or not would be up to Jim. The way I see it there will be very little about the labor and birth experience that he can control. This is one of the things he is able to decide how to play out for himself. It was almost as if there was audible sigh of relief from Jim when I told him how I felt. If I remember correctly, he held back the "thank god" and went for a more sensitive, "I don't think I want to watch." And I am perfectly fine with that. In fact, more than fine.
If you have already had children, I am interested in hearing how you all handled the situation (if you don't mind sharing). If you have not yet had your kidlets, feel free to pipe in with your thoughts, too. Maybe we'll learn something we haven't thought of before...
1 comment:
very interesting topic indeed! I DID NOT want Noa to watch. I told him to stay up near my head and just be there for support. With Nanea, he did take a peek (not sure if he meant to, or if it was unintentional), and still talks about how gross it was. The second time around he stayed far away. Believe it or not, he is a big wimp and cannot stand the sight of blood. He did cut the umbilical cords though. Actually, I can't remember if he cut Makena's, but my doc made him cut Nanea's. He was trying to opt out of that :).
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