New Section: Things We've Learned

I have been thinking of starting a new section of this blog dedicated to sharing things we learn along the way. Not big things, just minor thoughts and everyday tips that have made the details of parenting easier. Things that we never knew but have had to learn quickly. Kinda like a reference for soon-to-be parents, or parents who are dealing with specific challenges. Let's call it a place for us to exchange ideas. We would love for all of the parents in our lives to participate in the comments. We will post a recap of shared ideas the next time we post to this section.

Here is what we have compiled so far (in no particular order):

• T-shirts & pants are the best outfits - easier than onesies. It makes it super easy to check diapers without having to completely undress (and upset) baby.
• Do not use nail clippers on your baby until the nails actually separate from the skin. They are not born this way and you'll draw blood. (Luckily we learned this before any kind of catastrophe.) DO bring a mini nail file to the hospital with you. Baby's nails are RAZOR SHARP and need to be trimmed immediately and often. Best to do this while baby is sleeping.
• If you can't get to the nails and/or they grow fast, definitely use those little cotton mittens (or the onesies with the fold-down sleeves).
  
• Make or buy BIGGER receiving blankets. Baby will grow out of the standard ones within 2 weeks, and the bigger ones are easier to swaddle baby with anyway.
• Don’t waste money on all those cute infant clothes! Maybe one or two "show-off" outfits, but the rest should be just a few essentials the baby can wear over & over again. Besides, friends and family will most likely give you a ton of clothes - hand-me-downs and new. They just can't help themselves!
• Get a BIG diaper bag. You'll need the room. And make it one you REALLY like since you will no longer be wearing a purse! I think it is OK to spend money on this item - it will be a constant part of your wardrobe.
  
• Always carry TWO extra outfits in your diaper bag. On a bad day, one may not be enough. And make sure you have a big ziploc in there to carry the poopy or wet clothes without ruining your bag.
  
• Socks don’t stay on – no matter how “wiggle proof” they claim to be. I haven’t figured out a solution yet, but when I do I’m going to start another business .
• If having the baby sleep in bed with you the first few weeks or months means YOU get to sleep, too, make peace with that solution and do it. Ignore the nay-sayers. You’re not going to roll onto your baby. And you are going to be able to function during the day!
  
• You can not spoil your baby when they are newborn. If they need you, go to them and make them feel secure. Instinct tells me that this will NOT make them more dependent later on. (I'll update this as Naomi gets older and let you know where I think this threshold is.)
• A baby's hands and feet are not a good indicator of how hot or cool the baby is. Check the back of baby's neck instead.
• If baby doesn't poop for several days straight, it does NOT necessarily mean there is something wrong. Don't freak.
• You'll also want to carry little bags like these in your diaper bag for when you don't have a place to dispose of those dirty diapers.
  

We'll just keep adding to it as we keep learning. Maybe one day compile them all officially on paper... participate and share the credit! Looking forward to hearing all of your tips and tricks!

Labor = FUN!

As I mentioned before, we had some fun while I was in labor. Here are some highlights:

These are the sexy disposable maternity panties you are advised to wear during labor and after to hold the football field-sized pads that you need to wear to catch the before and after mess. We needed to see how big they actually can get. It turns out you can easily fit a VW bug in one.


The peanut gallery thought it would be funny to give their impressions of what their pushing faces would look like while I was in labor. I thought I'd share that with you all.


And, of course, the classic cigar shot.

Mother's Milk

Ugh. This has been the biggest challenge yet.

I was determined all throughout pregnancy to exclusively breastfeed. I was convinced that I would love this time with my baby, that it would be easy and natural and the best thing I could give her. I would go so far as to say I was judgmental against mothers who did not breastfeed. I couldn't understand why on earth someone would buy formula when you could get the best milk for free.

I can say now that I was wrong in every sense. Breastfeeding is not easy. It is not as intuitive as I thought it would be. It is not always a choice to breastfeed exclusively, or at all. And I wholeheartedly understand why some families turn to formula. You have to really WANT to breastfeed, and WANT to make it work if it is going to work at all. If you are not all in, then you are basically all out.

Let me just say that we totally got off on the wrong foot, and I actually place a lot of blame on the hospital for the problems we have had with breastfeeding, and furthermore how it may have contributed to Naomi's jaundice.

First of all, if I could change any one thing about my birth experience it would be that I regret not insisting on the baby being allowed to try to latch within the first hour of birth. The nurses put her on my belly for all of 2 minutes after she was born before whisking her away to do all sorts of nonsense such as footprints and a bath - stuff that could have waited. But, this being my first birth, I was kinda taking the nurse's lead. Now I know better and will be able to be a better advocate for myself and my baby next time around. SO, it was a good hour+ after birth before we had a chance to try and breastfeed.

To boot, since Naomi was born on a "holiday" there were no lactation consultants on duty for a full 36 HOURS after Naomi was born. Any advice we got was piece-mealed to us by whatever nurse was on duty. (I should note here that while the labor and delivery nurses I worked with were the absolute best I could have hoped for, the post-partum nurses were all TERRIBLE. I'm not joking. It was night and day comparing the two sets of nurses and the hospital really needs to examine this issue. I won't go into detail, but the 36 hours after birth that I was in the hospital were split between a chatterbox, a passive aggressive bitch, and a nice woman who had hands so cracked, dry, and nasty looking that I cringed every time she touched me or the baby.)

Anyway, the advice we got was completely inconsistent and just thrown at us in passing. Even when they brought me a pump so I could get things moving a little better, they just dropped it off. I had to figure the damn thing out myself. It was completely frustrating, both for me and Naomi, and as a result Naomi didn't eat much while we were in the hospital at all. The only real attempt we had was when we finally got a consultant in for an hour before we went home. Naomi's latch was all disorganized, she couldn't get the hang of it, and it was so painful for me I began to dread every feeding time. I likened it to having your nipples clamped every three hours for a full hour. (Why people are into that, I'll never know.) In total, I would say Naomi MAYBE got half an ounce in that whole time. It was a disaster.

And then we went home and she still didn't eat much. By the time we got to the doctor on Monday morning she had dropped to 7lbs - that is a full 1.25lb weight loss since birth. WAY unhealthy. The pediatrician ordered us to start supplementing my feedings with 1oz of formula.

Now, this may seem weird, but I feel like I needed to be given that permission. Until it became "doctor's orders" I wouldn't even consider it. The nurses and the lactation consultants never even mentioned it as an option. The pediatrician at the hospital mentioned it in passing but did so when the lactation consultant was in the room, so I had to watch her roll her eyes. I felt so completely judged, failing in the number one job of being a mom. I also felt like I was on my own. I had no idea what I was doing, how I would know if she was getting enough, and just had this overwhelming feeling that after9 months of being completely in synch, my body was now failing her body.

But as we went through the 4 days after Naomi's birth before going to our permanent pediatrician, I felt horrible knowing that there was no way she was getting what she needed. She no longer produced tears, her lips were completely chapped. She was unhappy, lethargic, jaundice.

So when I started tube-feeding her the formula after every breastfeeding session and I knew she was getting something in her belly I felt so much better. That was the same day she started her light therapy. While it was all very stressful, I finally felt like at least she was getting what she needed and I was doing whatever had to be done to get her healthy and thriving. I felt so much better. And Naomi started to bounce back quickly. She gained a whole 7 ounces on the first day!

After that, I just struggled trying to get my milk to come in any kind of quantity. I pumped after every feeding. I tried drinking tons of water, taking fenugreek, went back to the lactation consultant.

Fast forward to now, we are still breastfeeding and still supplementing 2oz after every feeding. I am not really sure when to stop, or if I should. I know that she is drinking well from me, but she also looks forward to her bottle after the boob. So I give it to her. I feel good knowing that she is still getting the benefits of whatever milk I am able make for her, but she is also getting as much food as she needs.

I'm at peace with that.

A Very Ripe Lemon

Shortly after birth, Naomi had to fight a pretty bad case of Jaundice. it could have been caused by a few things...

First of all, all babies are born with premature livers. It is difficult for little ones to filter out all of the excess red blood cells in their bodies that they need in utero to transport all the nutrients they need to develop around their bodies. SO, all babies are checked for jaundice, both at birth and a few days later.

Naomi was also born with a pretty large bruise on her head. We think she banged up against my pelvic bone for a while while trying to engage, which is why it took her so long to get into position. A bruide like that increases the risk for jaundice - more broken red blood cells that need to be filtered out of the body.

And, finally, I had a really tough time with my milk production. More about this in the next post, but basically Naomi was not getting enough milk that would have helped her flush out the excess bilirubin.

So, the odds were stacked against her and when we went to her first pediatrician appointment on the Monday following her birth they sent us to the lab right away. This photo was taken the day before we went to the doctor - compare her skin coloring to mine. It made me feel awful for calling her Lemon all this time!


Her first bilirubin count came back at 21.9 - the docs like to see it under 12 in a newborn. 25 is considered a very dangerous number. Luckily we caught it before it got that far. So, Naomi was ordered to be on light therapy until her level hit under the 12 mark. She was on her bed from Monday, 01/05, through Thursday, 01/08. This was truly difficult as we were not able to take her off the bed other than to feed her. So, for 45 minutes every 3 hours I was able to hold her. Otherwise, she slept. But she made marked progress each day, finally hitting 10 on Friday, 01/09, with her final blood draw. We were so happy when that was over!

Labor & Delivery

For my entire life I had been completely TERRIFIED of this day. The day I had to go through labor and deliver a baby. I was convinced it would be traumatizing, both physically and emotionally. It would be painful. It would be bloody. It would be chaotic. It would be, in short, a nightmare. But then your urge to have a baby and start a family finally overrides your fears and you just get pregnant and decide to deal with the agony when it comes, keeping in mind it can't last forever.

I realize that the above scenario is a reality for some people. I was so glad that for me it was the complete opposite.

I woke up at at 4:30am on 12/31 feeling what I thought might be Braxton Hicks contractions (painless practice contractions). I tried to time them to see if they were real and if I could detect any kind of rhythm to them. They seemed to be about 8 minutes apart. So, I woke Jim up at 5:00 to let him know that I thought that MAYBE I was starting labor...

Like a movie cliche, he jumped out of bed ready to go gather our stuff and hit the road to the hospital. I laughed at him and told him to get back into bed. If this was labor, chances are we had quite a while to go. Besides, we weren't supposed to call the hospital until we hit the 5-1-1 mark (contractions 5 minutes apart, lasting about 1 minute, for at least an hour). So, we laid back in bed and tried to fall back to sleep... we didn't get very far.

At 5:35 I felt a slight sharp pain, not unlike how it would feel if the baby kicked my cervix. Then I felt it again a few seconds later, followed by a distinct "gush." I thought to myself, "Either my water just broke or I just peed the bed."

For those of you who don't know, once your water breaks you have 24 hours to deliver the baby, otherwise risking serious infection. So, we called the hospital and told them what was up. They told us to come in immediately. What I really wanted to do was take a shower but I figured I'd be able to do that once I got to the hospital and checked in.

We got to the hospital at about 7:00. The nurse confirmed that my water did break and that I was in labor. My blood pressure was a bit high, which was strange as it is always in the normal range. Because of this I was confined to bed and not allowed to take the shower I was hoping for!

Despite the doc's request to start Pitocin, I decided to go for it on my own for a while to see how far I can get. I had a long way to go since I was only 1cm dilated when they checked me. The doctor decided that I could try it for a while but she was concerned that my contractions were not strong enough to get me very far.

We checked again at 10:30 and I had made it 3cm. Again, I requested to go ahead without Pitocin for the time being. I was still able to breathe through the contractions pretty well.

We checked again at 1pm. By this time I was only at 5cm and while I was progressing, my contractions were still pretty weak (although getting more and more painful) and were not going to get me all the way there. The doctor pushed me this time to start Pitocin in order to avoid coming down to the wire and risking a c-section. I had decided in my birthplan that induction with Pitocin were necessary I would definitely need an epidural started BEFORE the Pitocin. I have heard nightmares about going the other way around.

This is where it gets kinda blurry... blurry in a good way. Once I got the epidural I was no longer watching the clock, counting to my next contraction, dreading every second. After I got my epidural everything was, dare I say, pleasant.

Seriously. I enjoyed the rest of labor and delivery. I'm not kidding. I enjoyed the anticipation, knowing that Naomi was about to arrive, wondering if she was going to be a 2008 baby or a 2009 baby. Emily and Chad and their friend Jashwant from school came and hung out with us. We talked, laughed, watched TV, (they) played cards. Jim and I even napped for a while. I didn't feel a thing! And this is what we did until about 11:30pm when I finished dilating and the baby was engaged and ready to be delivered. Chad and Jash went to wait outside. Jim and Emily stayed with me to watch the baby being born.

I admit, this is where I got REALLY nervous. Not about Naomi's arrival, but about pushing. Really, I was terrified of the physical trauma that pushing could leave behind. But, at the point of no return, what can a woman do? So, I pushed.

With an epidural, if you haven't experienced this, pushing is a bit tricky. The doc had to literally tell me HOW to push because I couldn't feel anything. In fact, I was so numb below the waist that the part of my body that hurt the most were my TEETH. I had just had my braces adjusted a couple days before so they were still sore. And that was my only complaint. I think the doctor thought I was crazy when I vocalized that discomfort!

I think this is where I was amazed, once again, at how smoothly everything went. My doctor handled everything exactly how I would have want it to be handled. Everything was calm, I had great music on in the background, a cool washcloth on my forehead, and the lights dimmed in the room. The hour that I pushed went by quickly - I just took it one push at a time and before I knew it, Naomi had arrived: January 1, 2009 at 12:34am.

Emily noted that Tori Amos' "Happy Phantom" was on as she was born, if you are curious. She also said something that made me really proud. Apparently, I make giving birth "look easy." Also, I guess my pushing face looks like I am smiling, although I can say that I was really working hard on the pushing and I was not intentionally smiling. But, it makes me feel good to think I looked really happy when Naomi was coming into the world.

To back up for a second, I have to give serious props to Jim. He got through the whole thing like a total stud. He was calm, he held my left leg as I pushed, he surprised me by actually watching Naomi being born AND cutting the cord! If you missed the post I wrote about this previously, read it here. You'll note that he made a complete 180º in this area as we had previously decided that he would NOT watch and NOT cut the cord. I just think it ended up not being as scary or gross as we had prepared ourelves for. The worst part, he says, was having to sit and stare at my placenta for 20 minutes as it sat in the metal bowl on the table while they tended to the baby and stitched me up (no worries - only a minor tear requiring 2 stitches, and that didn't hurt either).

And that was that. The room cleared out, and soon it was just me, Jim, and Naomi. And we were completely blissed out. I can say for myself I fell in love twice that day: once with my new, perfect little girl, then once again with my husband, the man who gave me the biggest gift I could ever ask for.

I'd like to post, but...

I am just too tired.

I have been asked for updates and new photos many times in the past week but to be honest, I sleep when I can. If you have ever had a newborn in the house, you know what I am talking about. There are many things I would like to share with you as a week with Naomi has brought a lot of change and happenings, but for now you'll have to settle for a list of things I would LIKE to post about eventually, once I can open my eyes again:

Labor & Delivery Story and Photos: We had a surprisingly pleasant labor & delivery experience. I had prepared myself for the worst, but feel like I was lucky to get the best experience I could ever have hoped for. I will eventually tell you all about it. Once I get photos from my sister, I will share some those, too. Not gross ones. And not ones I think I look horrendous in.

A Very Ripe Lemon (Jaundice): Yep. Naomi is doing photo-therapy for a case of jaundice. Will tell you what that is all about at some point.

Mother's Milk: Turns out this is a challenge in itself. Why did I think milk came in magically? Maybe for some it does. For me, not so much.

SO, be patient with me. I'll get back to you all soon. I'm taking notes and you're on my to-do list. In the meantime, if you need more of Naomi because she is just so delicious, check out Jim's YouTube Channel. There is some random stuff up there...

She's Here!!!

Everybody please welcome Naomi James Roberts.

*Sorry about the shaky video.